Coach Unlimited

“Begin to weave and God will give the thread.”

German Proverb

Creating change in our lives is hard to do. one reason is that there is a strong temptation for us to stand in place waiting until we can see all the parts of our pathway clearly. We want to know all the answers and solve all of the problems ahead of time. After all, why take chances? Once we know its safe we will start. Well, its a great idea, but life seldom works that way. Even when we think we know all the answers, fate has a way of changing the rules on us. When I first learned about and started teaching strategic planning for businesses and individuals we used a model called SMOST. The acronym stood for the five steps in the process which were Situational Analysis, Mission Statement, Objectives, Strategies and Tactics. I have learned from experience that this system does not work all that well. Actually the first two steps are still part of my planning process. Take a good realistic look at your current situation. Where are you now? What support systems do you have? What do you have that works in your favor? What seems to be against you? What needed assets are missing? The second part of planning is to develop mission and vision statements.  The mission statement says who I am or who we are in just a few words. The vision statement tells where we are going. Once we have done these three things it is time to begin the journey with the knowledge and tools we have now and trust that we will find what we need when we need it. Under the old SMOST model we would then develop the objectives, strategies and tactics to take us where we though we were going. This process created detailed plan and a preconception of how the journey had to be. Often we were unwilling to consider new and exciting options that would come up because we were to dedicated to the “plan”. I have found this over thinking a plan is counter productive. It is better to just take what seems to be the first, best logical step and then see what happens. Taking that first step, making a commitment to change and acting on it, is often the hardest part. As we begin to move forward with a positive expectant attitude unexpected doors begin to open for us and the way becomes clear. It is truly amazing that when we have the faith in God and ourselves to do this, it really works and often in ways we could never have foreseen. Have faith and begin! The world will support you!

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”
Mark Twain

The world is full of people who are quick to come up with reasons why it won’t work, can’t be done or is just plain impossible. They are more than happy to share their insights about why you don’t have what it takes. They can tell you 100 reasons that you are going to fail. These nay sayers are all around us. You may have some of these folks among your friends, or co-workers or family. The simple truth is this: When they are talking about themselves they may be right , but when they are talking about you, THEY ARE COMPLETELY WRONG!! That is they are wrong as long as you believe in yourself. Do not let their ignorance and small thinking effect you. Let their limited thinking effect their own lives, but not yours. Given the incredible power within you and the strong support from those who really know you and love you and believe in you it is inevitable that you will reach and exceeds your dreams. And I, for one, can’t wait to see their faces when you it happens.

“Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.”

Charles Dickens

Of the three time periods (past, present & future) the present is the only one we can be sure of. The past is fact. It was here and now it is gone and we can’t change it. Having said that,we can change how we perceive it so that it is a source of knowledge and, hopefully, strength. The future is our dreams. We may get there; we may not get there. It too can be a source of strength and courage. Today is here and now and while we can’t control everything about it, we can control a lot of it. The to take charge of the present is to maintain a positive attitude and keep taking little steps (or big ones where possible) in the general direction of the future we want. It doesn’t matter so much whether you have a full clear picture of that future or just a feeling about what you want; keep moving in that direction and the picture will get clearer. We take the valuable lessons from the past knowing that what has happend to us did so for a reason. Our past was put there to help us get where we want to go if only we have the enlightenment to take the good from our lessons and leave the pain and blame behind. Living in the present, in the now is a challange, but one that is possible for all of us.  Eckhart Tolle in his book “The Power of Now A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment” provides a lot of guidance on this path. Living in the now of our lives means living our lives to the fullest. So take from the past only the beautiful memories and the lessons and use the future as a beacon or goal, but live life fully and richly in the present moment.

“You said ‘but.’ I’ve put my finger on the whole trouble. You’re a ‘but’ man. Don’t say,’but.’ That little word ‘but’is the difference between success and failure. Henry Ford said, ‘I’m going to invent the automobile,’ and Arthur T. Flanken said, ‘but…”

Sgt. Ernie Bilko

The Phil Silvers Show

If I am trying to make positive changes in my life “But” is a very dangerously powerful word. In a way it acts as a reversing switch. When I make a positive statement and then follow it with the word “but”, I reverse or turn off everything I said before it. “I am going to do it, but…” means I won’t do it. You are very intelligent, but…” is not going to come out as a compliment. “I love you, but…” will do nothing to improve the relationship. A very basic integral step in making life-affirming changes is becoming aware of the language we use when we speak and think. If I am a “but” man or woman this is a powerful indication that there is something blocking my intention. Before I can move ahead toward my goals in life I need to examing where that “but” is coming from and remove it. Step one is to start listening to my languge. That means what I say our loud, what I say in writing and what I say in my “self-talk”. Do I express my intentions with clear affirmative statement or am I languaging things in a way that indicates a lack of total commitment? Step two. If I become aware that I am using weasel words (words that allow me to weasel ot of commitments) then I need to find the cause  and re-language my intentions. Every time I am tempted to use a weasel word like “but” or “if” or “maybe” I need to put in a period instead and then start a new sentence. An very important part of growing toward our dream is developing positive language to support it. If I want to turn my stumbling blocks into stepping stones I must start using positive language with no weasel words.

“The only difference between fear and excitement is what we label it. The two are pretty much the same physiological/emotional reaction. With fear we put a negative spin on it: ‘Oh, no!’ With excitement, we give it some positive english: ‘Oh, boy!’”

from “The Portable Life 101″ by John-Roger and Peter McWilliams

Stuff happens to us but it is only “stuff” until we label it as good, bad or otherwise. We decide whether what the events that happen to us are going to mean in our lives. In fact living life is a process of meaning-making. This is normally an unconscious process until we learn to use it for our advantage. There is tremendous power in learning this. The martial artist knows how to move with the opponents thrust and thereby capture their energy for his or her own use. FDR in his first inaugural address said “…the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” We can learn to handle our fears like a martial artist by focusing our attention not on what scares us, but rather on our goals. If we focus primarily on the possibility of failure and its consequences we will experience fear and most likely we will fail. If we focus primarily on the possibility of success and the benefits of reaching our goals we will experience excitement, and that is an energy which will propel us toward our destiny. There are those who feel what happens to us in life is pre-ordained or that it is determined by some higher power. They think that we are helpless pawns. That is only true for you if you choose to believe that it is true. I invite you to join me in believing that everything (and I do mean everything) that happens to us will bring good. Let us choose to create our lives in such a way that we celebrate everything that happens to us knowing that in the long run it will benefit us and those we love. We create lives of joy and gladness and share that with others by choosing to label it the way we want to see it.